Paris-Roubaix winner Fabian Cancellara announced the beginning of a bed-in while visiting his family near his hometown of Ittigen, Switzerland, after departing the Vuelta a España on Tuesday to commence his preparations for the World Championships, which start on Wednesday, September 21st, 2011.
Cancellara placed a bed in the conservatory of his parents’ home and called a press conference.
“To me, is disappointing to heare of those decision by Flavio Becca to join wit the Johan Bruyneel,” fumed Cancellara. “After all did I for those idioms this year, is it an insultation to my person that he thinkets Johan can do betters than my person.”
Cancellara was instrumental in saving the Schlecks in the Tour de France by expanding his portable shield and utilizing the Trek transformation bicycle as a spear to single-handedly prevent the peloton from advancing when Andy and Frank experienced difficulties in this year’s Tour. However, Cancellara’s Spartacular efforts still were not enough to prevent the Australian horde from advancing at this year’s Tour.
“The Johans doesn’t care about Spring Classics. I cannednot trust this developments. I be here in this conservation room with my plankets and will accepting all offers from teams of distinctiveness,” announced Cancellera.
When told of the recent signing of 40-year-old Jens Voigt to the RadLeoNisrekMinusMercedes team, Cancellara commented, “To my person, that is shocket. Jens is youngish for Johan’s person to contract givet.”
The inspiration for Cancellara’s bed-in came from spending time with Daniele Bennati and his extensive Beatles collection. Bennati, who prefers to share his love with the peloton and the ladies rather than sprint for wins, seemed to have provided an immense influence on the Swiss rider who previously touted his love for Michael Bolton and Andrea Bocelli. Bennati seemed to have given the idea to Cancellara to stage a bed-in, similar to John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s bed-in for peace in Montreal and Amsterdam.
When asked why he didn’t stage the bed-in during the Grand Prix races in Montreal and Quebec, Cancellara had no response and thrust his chin high into the air. Several assistants turned on wind turbines, while Cancellara stood at the foot of the bed, in his Roman regalia, striking a pose similar to George Washington’s crossing of the Delaware.
After the 10-minute photoshoot concluded, Cancellara, commenting that he now felt very tranquillo, began to receive the queue of team owners in the anteroom to entertain offers for his services. Representatives from Bruyneel’s new team were markedly absent from the procession.
Cancellara’s bed-in is scheduled to conclude Tuesday, September 20th, 2011.
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