Sheikh Khalid Bin Ali Bin Abdullah Al Thani the Just announced Friday at the conclusion of stage six of the Tour of Qatar that his country will be purchasing Mt. Shasta from the state of California along with the population of Belgium to make the race more exciting for the riders and the cycling fans around the world.
Will Boonen be a crazy Belgian fan or a rider in Qatar next year? (Photo courtesy of ASO)
Responding to comments from U.S.-born BMC rider, Taylor Phinney, who stated, “If I wanted to ride on freeways and stare at the desert, I could have stayed at home,” the Sheikh said he felt the need to take care of the future star of the sport.
“We have negotiated with governor Jerry Brown of the great American state of California to purchase Mt. Shasta for six billion U.S. dollars, and we will be moving it to Qatar for the 2013 edition of the race,” declared Al Thani the Just.
Details were sketchy at press time, but anonymous sources in the governor’s office said the deal needed to be made, with the state facing a pending $3 billion debt problem in March. The looming debt crisis could have tipped the entire country’s economy into default, something that Brown didn’t want to have happen on his watch.
The office of the President of the United States also confirmed that military resources and technology would be put to work for the move, confirming that military exercises recently conducted in Los Angles were related.
However, the Sheikh also noted that it wasn’t enough to obtain the landmark – scheduled to be deposited near the town of Bir Zekrit – as Qatar also felt they needed “crazy cycling fans” to line the route of the 6-stage race.
“After watching 62,000 crazy Belgian fans during the cyclocross world championships, we felt that purchasing the population of Belgium for our race would really add the necessary cycling flavor to the broadcasts. They have proven to be the most cycling-mad nation on the planet. It is a good investment on our part,” commented the Sheikh.
The posed some confusion, however, as the 2012 race winner Tom Boonen is Belgian.
“Does this mean I’m supposed to be a crazy fan? Or am I going to race next year? Leave it to these oil-rich folks to make a mess of the sport, let alone the world. Whatever…” concluded a confused Boonen.
When asked for clarification on the Belgian’s conundrum, UCI boss Pat McQuaid was specific, “I have no comment on this situation. I will say that it’s none of your business what we do for the sport, nor is it Tom’s [Boonen] place to worry about anything other than riding a bike. Our record on globalization is strong.”
Noted human rights activist and Eurosport commentator David Harmon offered his two cents on the deal, “I’m quite interested in the logistics of not only moving mountains, but also an entire population for six days. But of course if anyone can make something happen, it’s American ethics and know-how coupled with Qatari money.”
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