Team Garmin-Barracuda sprinter Tyler Farrar let a barrage fly at the conclusion of stage four of the Tour of Qatar, where he flatted near the finish and lost out in another battle with the who’s who of the sprint world. Farrar let out an audible “F-Bomb” while riding by the camera crew at the finish of the stage, and continued on a tirade directed at anyone within a 5 km radius.
Farrar is visibly disturbed after getting "smoked" on consecutive stages (photo courtesy of KARIM JAAFAR/AFP/Getty Images)
“This team is a joke. Greipel’s team signs the best of the former HTC leadout train, including [Adam] Hansen and Hendy [Greg Henderson]. Eisel, who beat me to the line today is picked up for Cav, Boonen’s going like he’s back on coke again, and all these young guns are coming at me like a fucking tennis ball machine gone mad,” commented a livid Farrar.
When asked to clarify what signings were a joke, Farrar replied, “Bauer. Haas. Klier. I mean it’s a buffet of opportunists for the classics, not a group of guys who can deliver me to a finish line. Fischer is the best I’ve got? Seriously? C’mon, this team is a joke. Vaughters promises all sorts of shit, and then all he cares about is time trial crap because he thinks it’s all Salinger ‘pure’ and shit. Man, I gotta go to a new team that knows what they’re doing. I shouldn’t have flatted,” continued Farrar.
When asked if team tactics played a part in how the stage finished, Farrar was blunt, “You’ll have to ask Weltz that, if he can get his head out of Armstrong’s ass long enough,” in reference to Directeur Sportif Johnny Weltz’ pro-Armstrong rant after the long-running federal investigation was closed by U.S. Attorney André Birotte on Friday.
Garmin-Barracuda CEO Johnathan Vaughters was less impressed with the comments, considering it was the second time in less than a week that an employee broke ranks and spoke publicly on subjects which cast the team in an unfavorable light.
“There must be something in the water in Qatar. Either that, or my mind control chips must not work in that region. We’ll have to get both Farrar and Weltz back to the lab for some electronic fine tuning,” commented Vaughters, adding, “First Weltz. Then Contador breaks in on our victory dance, and now Farrar is going rogue. I think I need to throw some sort of AIGCP smackdown to take away the spotlight from our team issues.”
Stage Five of the Tour of Qatar goes on Thursday, where it is expected that Mark Cavendish will again take his turn at frustrating Farrar.
11 Comments
For those that may be less intelligently endowed than others, this story is satire. Funny satire, but satire. In fact, because many of you believed the story, no different than a certain Republican senator who believed an Onion story, you forced poor Jonathan Vaughters to take to twitter to confirm that this was a parody. Thank you for your enjoyment. Frank Mercer looks like he’s in brilliant form for 2012. But as always, readers, pull your brains off the shelf, screw it firmly back in, and then read the brilliant story. Slainte!
@UCI_Overlord You aren’t really Pat McQuaid are you…?
@elvisgoat You’ll have to follow me on twitter @UCI_Overlord , or read my weekly best/worst here to figure that out.
@UCI_Overlord “poor Jonathan Vaughters to take to twitter to confirm that this was a parody” which is the funniest thing I’ve heard in quite a while….
Farrar does make some good points. It does seem like the team only focuses on the time trial aspect of the sport. I meant look at what the time is most of the time, mainly sprinters and time trialists. And as far as climbers go, Dan Martin is the best they’ve got. Vandevelde, Danielson are just guys who might just struggle to hang on to the wheels of their competitors in races like the Tour and won’t attack. As the signing thing goes, Vaughters did what he did because their budget didn’t allow them to sign some marquee riders. The one thing I do find weird is how Farrar says he wants to find a new team, if I’m not mistaken, he extended his contract with the team til 2014.
Farrar does make some good points. It does seem like the team only focuses on the time trial aspect of the sport. I mean look at what their roster is most of the time, mainly sprinters and time trialists. And as far as climbers go, Dan Martin is the best they’ve got. Vandevelde, Danielson are just guys who might just struggle to hang on to the wheels of their competitors in races like the Tour and won’t attack. As the signing thing goes, Vaughters did what he did because their budget didn’t allow them to sign some marquee riders. The one thing I do find weird is how Farrar says he wants to find a new team, if I’m not mistaken, he extended his contract with the team til 2014.
this is satire,no doubt.
[…] […]
[…] days. I wrote about leadouts last week. Tyler Farrar (Garmin – Catfish PRO Cycling) has been letting loose some tirades regarding his team’s inability to lead him out, though I fail to see the correlation between a team’s leadout capacity and his ass’s […]
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